


strange bedfellows

by janie_tangerine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5 Acts Meme, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Crack Pairing, M/M, Purgatory, no seriously this is the crackiest ship in the universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-21 21:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/602415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where Balthazar tags along in order to get out of Purgatory, Dean and Castiel are obviously pining for each other and Benny hadn't signed up for any of this drama, but he won't pass a chance to have some fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	strange bedfellows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bballgirl3022](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bballgirl3022/gifts).



> written for the last five acts round. And I know that this ship is totally random but it's my new shiny crackship and I had to give it a try.

So, when Benny had decided to take his chance on the human and find a way out of here, he hadn’t really been thinking much far. He knew where the portal was, there was a human in Purgatory. He’d bring the human to the portal, the human would bring him out, easy-peasy. Nothing wrong with that plan.

He hadn’t counted on the whole _I’m not getting out of here until I find my angelic best friend forever_ of Dean’s, and he hadn’t exactly been crazy on that – who knows if having an angel along might jeopardize things. But then again, it was still better than rotting in Purgatory for eternity – Benny could roll with that, still.

Then they found the angel, and then they found the _other_ angel.

Because apparently angels go to Purgatory when they die (who’d have known?) and when this guy wearing a shirt that showed more than concealed, spoke with some ridiculous Brit accent and couldn’t just quit with the innuendos showed up asking if he might get a ride out as well, Benny had thought, _seriously_?

Then it turns out that said angel is some kind of best-friend-forever-number-two of Castiel’s – and Benny does not want to know the backstory, fuck no. There’s some ridiculous crying and apologies and whatever that Benny thought were sickening in the bad kind of novels that he used to read a century ago.

Benny doesn’t exactly know when their former group of two became a group of four, but anything that gets them out of here faster is good for him. Except that Dean has to sleep at some point and he gets tired, too, and that’s how they end up stopping in a cave for the night.

He absolutely is not surprised when Dean goes to sit down next to Castiel in the farthest corner of the stupid cave – Benny stays near the entrance, not that anything could get in since they took care of drawing the right sigils.

He is somewhat surprised when Balthazar, after having had a good look at the two idiots in the back, huffs and drops sitting next to him. What even.

“Seriously,” Balthazar says under his breath while he looks at those other two, who aren’t even trying to pretend that they’re paying attention to each other only. “They’re just… so bloody _stupid_.”

“Wait, you mean they haven’t fessed up yet? I thought they’d have done that long before ending up here.”

Balthazar looks upwards and shakes his head in an extremely theatrical way.

“Can you believe that? No, they still haven’t. As if. When I was around, I did try to drill it into their heads, but do you think they ever heard me out? Or understood it? They’re sickening. Look at them. They couldn’t _snuggle_ more if they tried and they’re still having hang-ups.”

“What? How do you even know that?”

“Angel. Can read minds. Not that it’s much effort – if you wish for me to sum it up for you, it’s basically goes, _I just got him back and I can’t risk ruining it right now_. You’d think Cassie would be less dense, but then again he learned from Dean. What do I expect.”

Benny turns so that he can get another good look at them.

For – Castiel has his head on Dean’s _knee_.

“Brother, that’s just – how do they even do denial that well?”

“Beats me. I never believed in denial.”

“What did you believe in then?”

“How do you say five-some in French, darling?”

Benny can’t help it – he bites down on his fist before he starts laughing like a maniac. The last thing he needs is those two thinking that they’re laughing at them.

“Brother, you ain’t exactly what one’d imagine an angel to be like.”

“Well, dear, for being an abomination, you’re quite good company. Certainly less frustrating than those two. One would think that the sexual tension would become too much to bear at some point.”

“I know? When Dean actually found him – damn, I felt like some waltz or somethin’ would start out of nowhere.”

“ _Waltz_? Oh, right. You died before the age of ridiculous eighties cheesy music. Good thing, if you ask me. You don’t want to know how bad Celine Dion can get.”

“Celine _who_?”

“Friend, pray that you never find out.”

That’s when Benny realizes that Balthazar is pressing right up against his side.

Thing is, he doesn’t think he minds.

“Brother, is that you feelin’ cold or something?” he asks, nodding at their legs, currently pressed against each other.

So, when Benny had decided to ask Dean to help him get out, he hadn’t thought he’d end up with an angel pressing up against him and putting an arm around his shoulder and moving so that he’s whispering right in his ear, and you know, that weird Brit accent at some point stopped being weird.

“Not exactly. But I was merely wondering.”

“’Bout what?”

“As I told you, I don’t believe in not releasing sexual tension, and I also firmly believe that indulging in some pleasures of the flesh is never a bad idea. And just looking at those two makes me feel ridiculously frustrated.”

“Got your point. And?”

“And since, as stated, for being an abomination you’re not bad company, and you’re not hard on the eyes either, and since I suspect that neither of us have had the chance to indulge in said pleasures of the flesh for a long while, I was about to ask you if you might be up for some… tension releasing. Just plain old nice sex – you don’t bite, I don’t use what’s left of my grace, etcetera etcetera. Maybe _they_ would take the hint. So, darling, what do you say?”

Benny thinks about it for a moment. It’s not – well, not unreasonable. And the facts aren’t wrong – Purgatory isn’t made to indulge in any pleasure, flesh or not. Also, now that he has a hand on Balthazar’s back, he can only feel firm muscle and warmth oozing from his skin – right, angel, they probably can’t get cold. He could definitely do worse.

And to be honest, _indulging in pleasures of the flesh_ seems a much better idea than _glance at Dean and Castiel freaking cuddling in the background and wishing they would just fess it up_.

“As long as you don’t call me darling,” Benny replies, hoping that he’s smiling the way he always did when trying to get a woman into his bed a long fucking time ago.

“Deal,” Balthazar replies, and a moment later Benny has an angel in between his legs and said angel is kissing him like there’s nothing else he’d rather do, and _well fuck_ but the most expensive hookers Benny’s ever been with back in his day didn’t kiss as good as this guy does, and Benny can’t help it when he moans into Balthazar’s mouth, and then –

“What the fuck are you two doing?” Dean shouts from the bottom of the cave. Balthazar breaks the kiss and Benny turns to look at Dean and Castiel, along with him. Castiel still has his head on Dean’s leg and is looking at them as if he just doesn’t really get it but fine, whatever, he doesn’t care as long as he doesn’t have to move. Dean is just gaping.

“Killing some time,” Benny replies.

“Having some fun,” Balthazar adds. “It’s not forbidden, Dean. Actually, it’s good for you. You should try it sometimes.”

“But – but you aren’t planning to –” Dean starts, and Balthazar interrupts him by laughing so hard that if he wasn’t some kind of otherworldly being Benny thinks he might cry.

“Nothing you’re going to see if you mind your business,” Balthazar finally replies. “But if you want to watch I won’t be the one stopping you.”

Dean turns red. Benny thinks he wants to laugh until he cries, too.

“And you’re actually down with it?” It takes Benny a moment to realize Dean is talking to him. He shrugs.

“Why not? I ain’t the repressed one, in here. So, you gonna stop gaping at us anytime soon?”

Dean shuts his mouth and starts muttering something about not leaving this place without some kind of mental scarring, and then Castiel sits up and puts a hand on Dean’s cheek and tells him something that Benny can’t hear – too low. And then Dean’s eyes go soft and Benny thinks that _maybe_ – but no, it ends up with Castiel’s hands on Dean’s shoulder and a less one-sided hug than the one Benny saw when they met.

“I think someone’s hopeless,” Benny says as he shakes his head and looks up at Balthazar again.

“I think it’s not one of us,” Balthazar agrees as he moves downwards, sliding against his leg, and Benny can see that he’s definitely interested.

“I think we shouldn’t be talking,” Benny hisses as he brings a hand upwards, grabbing at Balthazar’s hair.

“Good point, _darling_.”

And then Balthazar is kissing him again while his hands run down against Benny’s side until one is gripping at his hips, and the other works on his trousers.

Fine. If this turns out to be as good as Benny thinks it might be, he won’t even mind if Balthazar keeps on calling him fucking _darling_.

End.


End file.
